… the English Concentrator
(From “Streaming Business News – 2019.” Alice Grant stands on the publishing floor at Smokin’ Novels Press, and speaks loudly over the noise.)
ALICE GRANT: Hello. This is Alice Grant for “New Writing in the News.” Today we’re visiting ARCLON Industries’ subsidiary, Smokin’ Novels Press, to get the latest on the development of the long-awaited English Concentrator.
(The camera pans to the English Concentrator in action, as Alice continues.)
AG: With its 467th patent now pending, and the English Concentrator well into its 3rd century of development, Smokin’ Novels Press has just announced that it expects to publish the first, complete EC novel by November, just in time for the holidays.
(Cut to offices of J. William Tiddleee, Smokin’ Novels CEO, where he and Alice Grant stand before a 12-foot wide LED screen, as he explains the graphics.)
J. WILLIAM TIDDLEEE: As you can clearly see, the main problem that for centuries had hindered development — as both the language, and our attempts to find a way to manufacture it, became more complicated — was finally solved by an ARCLON chemical-engineering linguist intern, named …
(Tiddleee pushes the remote button several times before he gets the screen he wants.)
JWT: … Alan. Which, of course, is a corporate acronym for a male-type homo sapiens thingy, with three given names and a final, corporate designator.
AG: Of course.
JWT: That’s Alan, there, from behind, as he introduces the A-SLIM 9000 NAVIGATOR into the Concentrator. And in this clip you can see the Concentrator, just moments later, as it begins to turn on its grammar axis. And here, it is actually hovering several feet above the floor and “Smokin’!” as Alan, “a huge, Jim Carrey fan,” apparently, described it. With the Carrey reference being to a gangster-fantasy movie, which has nothing to do with why we’re here. The reason for that being, of course, to simply —
AG: — “let the language write the story.”
(Tiddleee smiles as he looks at Alice, then looks back to the screen.)
JWT: Yes. That’s it, exactly. And that phrase, now trademarked, was produced by our marketing department. And we think it pretty much sums up just what we’re trying to accomplish.
AG: And what others have also tried to accomplish, for centuries.
JWT: Yes. Since the idea of the English Concentrator first surfaced in the late 1600s, in the North American wilderness, of all places.
AG: Right. And I find this part of the story so fascinating.
JWT: It is. For thousands of years, the only way to concentrate language was thought to be by humble, individual scribes. Working, usually alone, in poorly lit and heated spaces, often sustaining themselves on foods that sheep and goats would never touch, these people struggled in their efforts to combine-and-recombine the myriad possibilities of word and meaning, sound and sense, in the links and combinations offered by the language.
(Tiddleee slides a cell phone from his front-right pocket and turns it off.)
JWT: Then, so the story goes, it was a young, Cree boy, paddling his animal-skin canoe near what today is the city of Moose Lips Quiver, Manitoba, who had the idea that the English book he’d been given by a Commerce Missionary from the Hudson’s Bay Company, would be much easier to understand — and, in fact, would have been much easier to write, initially — if only there was some physical means of sifting through and recombining, the elements of language.
JWT: And he called it something in Algonquian-Cree, which sounded later, to the Ministers of Trade at Hudson’s Bay, like “English Concentrator.”
AG: This is so wonderful. What was the boy’s name?
JWT: No idea. Unfortunately, that part of the story has been lost. But the inspired name the boy came up with, does live on. And for centuries various individuals, and business entities, have struggled to provide the world with something that the boy envisioned.
AG: A reproducible means of recombining language, so that we could, finally —
JWT: — let the language write the story. Yes. Exactly.
AG: (faces camera) And there you have it. A dream that began in the canoe of a young, Native American boy — and has been picked up and nurtured, now, by the champions of enterprise here at ARCLON Industries — is about to finally produce a whole, new way to manufacture writing. This is Alice Grant for “New Writing in the News.” Thanks for watching.
20190316 23:38 Sat (749 words)
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